I am a mess

I can honestly say that I am a mess lately.
I should have been updating this everyday so I can post the events as they happened because I get too lazy to do one big update. Then I leave out details and blah blah blah.

I just... you know how you really just want to be loved? I'm there. I don't know what I'm doing any more. My heart is all over the place.

I want to be loved by this guy, I'm in love with this guy.... and Then I am trying to keep a few others on the back burner in case everything falls apart. I don't know what I am doing anymore.
It used to simple. Someone liked you, they beat up on you on the playground, and one day they passed you a note asking you to be there girlfriend. If you checked yes, then you were. Then everyone knew it. There was none of this 'hiding it' or having it kept "personal". There was no sexual promiscuity. There was no blurred lines.

I just want that. Simplicity. Old fashioned romance.

I want someone to love me. Someone that wants to have an anniversary and meet my family. Someone that cares enough to deal with my craziness.

Not someone that is going to lie to me, and not see me or bring me around other people. I want someone who will publicly declare they are with me.

I don't want someone who is going to blame ME for not telling them that I was taken advantage of. Someone who isn't going to blame me or be confused about it. what is there for YOU to be confused about? It happened to ME!

Men are really confusing. life is confusing. I mean, what really sucks.. is knowing what you are supposed to do, and how you are supposed to react to things, and then you of course... being fickle and not doing that.

I mean, I swear i could write a soap opera based off of my life right now. I just... can't blog it. I don't know what keeps me from writing everything down.


Michelle--- I miss you! I don't know why we didn't become like BFF's while we had the chance to be around each other 24/7. I do miss ya girl!

It's just one of those things....

I really can't seem to make my body wake up before noon no matter how early I try to go to bed. So I figure that I might as well stop trying. I'll be waking up early enough as soon as camp starts anyway. Speaking of waking up early, I have to be up and ready and dressed to go with loretta to greensboro for brandon's basketball tournament this weekend. 

I had a good day today. I woke up late, argued a bit with Glenn as is normal for me because he can't seem to get it through his thick skull that there is no chance for us because he does not do the things I need a man to do for me. Ugh. Men. 

Then, Moya texted me and invited me to a Baha'i children's class that he's been leading. I've been waiting for something like that since i've moved to rock hill and it was really nice to go out and see the kids play, sing and say some prayers. Moya gave me two books to read and we're going to be doing some one-on-one studying together. It'll be good to get back into the swing of things. I miss doing all the reading and investigation of the faith that I used to do. I just have fell really behind no that stuff because i didn't have any one to motivate me, and I was so busy with school. 

Plus, this past year has been really hard for me. Both academically and emotionally. I've been through such an emotional roller coaster this year it's unbelievable. 

Moya and I are going to try to get together later on this week. :) yay. 

I leave for Boston june 1st..... AH!!