Men suck
they lie
i hate them.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Waiting
I hate waiting.
No seriously. I HATE WAITING.
I've always been an impatient person. I can't remember a time when I just sat around, admiring the view, super glad that the person I was waiting for was lagging. There are some people that enjoy those kinds of things...but I am just not one of them. I am the one who gets ready for something super quick and super early and then gets impatient because I haven't wasted enough time and there's still an hour left before I'm supposed to be someplace. I'm the annoying one that's at work early because I overestimate the time that it takes to gets there and then once work begins, I'm impatiently waiting for the clock to change because work just isn't over soon enough. (I assume that 8 hours of my day is going to pass by extremely fast or something ridiculous like that.) It's not that I'm in a rush to get life over or anything, it's just that I always expect something exciting to be happening for me right around the corner. But, nine times out of ten … I've hurried and waited for.... NOTHING. I think that my fantasies and pre-planned out days are more exciting than real life and I find that extremely sad. It's like I walk around my world rushing father time like my life is going to arrive at this super destination only to find out that the end of the line for me is an endless white hallway. Nothing going on there. Just a bunch of doors that never open for me.
It's kind of depressing. The fact that I hate waiting so much. I mean, I used to people watch while I was waiting until I realized that I'm a social person and sitting down looking at other people being social just wasn't cutting it out for me. Or maybe it was the fact that people watching makes you feel like a creeper after a while. I know people say that we should take time out to smell the roses and I do take time to enjoy things... but I JUST HATE WAITING. Like right now, for instance. I got this room with a friend of mine that wanted to spend more quality time together. I had a homework assignment due tonight so he took some time to go see a friend while I was working on that. No big deal. I don't expect someone to sit and watch me be brilliant and bullshit a boring homework assignment. However, I've been done for like an hour, he doesn't have a cell phone at the moment, I've already showered and cleaned up the room, got ice, poured myself another drink, downloaded music from my IPOD to my computer, browsed facebook, and am now writing this... and he STILL isn't back. I'm going to get irritated. I mean, quality time is supposed to consist of.. time. I guess insecure plays a part of that too. I mean, seriously... You cant stand spending a day with me or something? Am I THAT boring? Scratch that. I know I'm not. But you get the picture. I tried sleeping while waiting but now that my sleep schedule in general is all messed up and I sleep at random times and at the wrong moments I guess I should stay awake once I'm awake. I've been oversleeping in general. I could be more productive with my days but I've become efficient in the things I need done. I go to work, hang out with coworkers and/or do homework at night, then sleep during the day, shower, and go to work. On my days off.. I sleep. It's a boring existence but it's functional for me at the moment. I guess I would get up during the days if I didn't just spend them WAITING for it to be time to go to work.
If my friend doesn't get here soon.. I'm going to down my drink, and try to take a nap.
This is ridiculous.
No seriously. I HATE WAITING.
I've always been an impatient person. I can't remember a time when I just sat around, admiring the view, super glad that the person I was waiting for was lagging. There are some people that enjoy those kinds of things...but I am just not one of them. I am the one who gets ready for something super quick and super early and then gets impatient because I haven't wasted enough time and there's still an hour left before I'm supposed to be someplace. I'm the annoying one that's at work early because I overestimate the time that it takes to gets there and then once work begins, I'm impatiently waiting for the clock to change because work just isn't over soon enough. (I assume that 8 hours of my day is going to pass by extremely fast or something ridiculous like that.) It's not that I'm in a rush to get life over or anything, it's just that I always expect something exciting to be happening for me right around the corner. But, nine times out of ten … I've hurried and waited for.... NOTHING. I think that my fantasies and pre-planned out days are more exciting than real life and I find that extremely sad. It's like I walk around my world rushing father time like my life is going to arrive at this super destination only to find out that the end of the line for me is an endless white hallway. Nothing going on there. Just a bunch of doors that never open for me.
It's kind of depressing. The fact that I hate waiting so much. I mean, I used to people watch while I was waiting until I realized that I'm a social person and sitting down looking at other people being social just wasn't cutting it out for me. Or maybe it was the fact that people watching makes you feel like a creeper after a while. I know people say that we should take time out to smell the roses and I do take time to enjoy things... but I JUST HATE WAITING. Like right now, for instance. I got this room with a friend of mine that wanted to spend more quality time together. I had a homework assignment due tonight so he took some time to go see a friend while I was working on that. No big deal. I don't expect someone to sit and watch me be brilliant and bullshit a boring homework assignment. However, I've been done for like an hour, he doesn't have a cell phone at the moment, I've already showered and cleaned up the room, got ice, poured myself another drink, downloaded music from my IPOD to my computer, browsed facebook, and am now writing this... and he STILL isn't back. I'm going to get irritated. I mean, quality time is supposed to consist of.. time. I guess insecure plays a part of that too. I mean, seriously... You cant stand spending a day with me or something? Am I THAT boring? Scratch that. I know I'm not. But you get the picture. I tried sleeping while waiting but now that my sleep schedule in general is all messed up and I sleep at random times and at the wrong moments I guess I should stay awake once I'm awake. I've been oversleeping in general. I could be more productive with my days but I've become efficient in the things I need done. I go to work, hang out with coworkers and/or do homework at night, then sleep during the day, shower, and go to work. On my days off.. I sleep. It's a boring existence but it's functional for me at the moment. I guess I would get up during the days if I didn't just spend them WAITING for it to be time to go to work.
If my friend doesn't get here soon.. I'm going to down my drink, and try to take a nap.
This is ridiculous.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
SCREWED UP
My life is a crazy mess. I wish that I could get onto some kind of stable ground but sometimes I feel like I'm missing the most important part of remaining on stable ground: the footing.
It's like everything is almost in my grasp: Happiness, success, love.... it's like it's almost there and I can't quite hold onto it.
I just wish that everything would settle in my life. My relationship with Jamal seemed so good but he got mad over nothing and is now not talking to me, for no reason though. He got jealous because of some guy that was hitting on me at work-- some guy that I was in no way shape or form interested in.
ugh. Why is everything so screwed up for me?
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